The boy is sitting on the floor, in a dark room, and with nowhere to hide. As a replacement for a bed, there is a cardboard box in the corner. Many summers ago, it would have been the perfect tool for play and escapism. He and his… He used to collect boxes. The ones that adults saw no need in any longer. A box was a mere mean of containment, for the grown, colorless mind. But not for the boy. The boy was still full of potential, capable of seeing what lays beyond. They all are at that age.
The boy used to love it, going from one place to another. That was all until his mother woke him up one night and carried him
overseas. A real ship. It was nothing like the ones in his mind. Waves were constantly pushing it, trying to throw the boy overboard. He hurried to safety, but the seasickness slowed him down. Besides him, his… she was running, scared because she knew she was much smaller and that the oceans beasts would swallow her first. The boy thought he could prevent it. He thought if he only held onto her tight…
The boy pulls his knees closer to his face, covering his eyes, while whispering to himself: “no, no, no..” He does not want to think of it. He can´t think of it. It is too painful. He stands up, feet touching hard wooden floor. Without any slippers, it is too cold to move around mindlessly. His mother had told him that this is the perfect time to practice his dancing, with all the space he currently got. The boy found the suggestion to be senseless. So did his father. Open space, contained within four walls, can only ever be empty, not freeing. The boy understood that the day he was brought to see a coffin for the first time, and that a similar emptiness had been sowed in him.
The boy paces back and forward. The lonely moon is trying to reach him through transparent curtains. But the boy offers it none of his time. Why should he? It was there that night, staring down at them, but doing nothing. He cried to it, begged for it to help, but thunder muffled his voice. Her head in his lap, him caressing the last strands of hair. Her face shone pale in moonlight, but it was not pretty. Not like the women in paintings, caked in white powder. Behind her eyes, there was no longer a someone who looked up at him. She was gone. Her soul had not escaped, taking the form of a ghost, off to a better planet. She was just gone.
Even the ocean got furious alongside the boy´s scream, setting every teardrop in motion. The sea got a bad reputation, for being reckless and cruel, but for every forgotten being, unable to ever fly to heaven, it is a comforting place to be. Close to hell, but not ruled by evil. It never intended to take her. Lost children are meant to be brought to shelter. The only thing cruel, were the stars that went to hide that night. At that moment, the boy thought of the neighbor’s cat. He cannot explain why. The cat was in no way relevant to the aching of his heart. But that is what he did. He thought of a cat, one which he was shamefully missing, all while he was losing what was the most precious to him.
The boy opens the cardboard box, planning to empty it, so that he can lay in it, curled up in fetus position. This room is too big for him. There is too much space, and too little to fill it with. But while he pours out its content, he realizes a mistake has been made. The floor is covered, not with his belongings, but hers. This is what is left of her. A blankie, crayons, shoes no bigger than his hands, and her teddy bear laying defeated on the ground. He picks up the worn out plushie and looks into her eye. A singular eye, because the other one is missing. Despite her rough look, she was treated kindly. He remembers that much. His sister would always insist that the piece of cloth was alive, an equal companion for her adventures. A friend, rather than something to own. The teddy and the boy share the same loss.
The boy lays down in the box, holding the bear close to his heart. “It´s me and you, bear” he whispers to her, and looks up to the ceiling, clouded by darkness. The bear does not seem to be much of a talker, but the boy does not mind. “One day, I will be buried too,” the boy continues, “And I will lay in a coffin, not much bigger than this. It is all I can think of. The day I will be no more. Moments that I forget to treasure, is passing by way too quickly, and all the people I love goes with them. I am worried that 100 or less years is not enough time to learn how to be content. That I will always feel this way, not knowing how to live, always thinking of those who never got a chance to.” The bear does not say much, but the boy knows she is listening. She might be granted immortality, but she is also living in fear of time running out. Once everyone she has learned to care for is gone, she might as well be dead too.
And there they stay, for the rest of the night. The boy keeps drifting off, only to be awaken shortly after. The bear, however, stays wide awake. She is thinking of the boy, how she hopes for him to achieve a good life. To not be colored by the past or darkened by his mind. It worries her, not knowing what will become of him. He might never be successful or grand, she won´t mind if he doesn´t, but if he goes through a lifetime being unhappy, she will be forever scarred. So, for the short moment he falls to sleep, she looks to the moon, and prays that it does not betray him once more.
Comments
Post a Comment