The first to stand before Jacob is a girl, whom the boy has never taken proper notice of before. He thinks she might be in the same class as him, but she has a forgettable presence. Her hair looks dull, and her skin paler than death. Besides, she never talks. What does she expect? That her silence will make a mark on humanity? How stupid. But the boy does have to admit, for once she has attempted making… an impression. She has a pink bow in her hair. It compensates for the lack of color in her face. And it makes her look, happier, in a way. It enrages the boy. Why today, of all days, is she wearing that bow? For Jacob? On Jacobs birthday? The boy wants to pull her hair and suck the red out of her heart until snow is all that is left. He wants to drag Jacob by his collar and push the bow down his throat.
But he does not do any of those things. He just sits and watch, refusing to join the line. The girl leaves her gift by the table next to Jacob. It is surprisingly nicely wrapped, soft like her hands. A softness that only belong to those who live in a place untouched. There is no way she has done such work herself. She probably doesn´t even know what is inside the wrapping. It must be her mom, or her dad, most likely her mom. That is the only thing that makes sense. The boy can only imagine what her mom must be like: a loving, saintly woman, who graced the world with her presence, so much so that she has done work for two people. All her daughter has to do, is exist. Isn´t she lucky?
The girl says nothing, of course not. She gives Jacob a nod, and then she walks away. How can she be so careless? The boy thinks. Even when she is doing something, it is like she is doing nothing. The boy hates people like her. They are gentle and kind. They never make a mess. They say thank you, and please, always. Agh, he hates it. It fills him with a feeling he cannot explain, and he hates being out of words. He cannot lose it, his words, his voice. What is he even doing here? Why is he not doing anything? Does he want to become like her? No! Of course not! Then, do something, a voice, older than his own. Do something, just something! Oh my god how pathetic you are for just standing there and judging those who moves. The boy tries to answer, but he has forgotten how to say anything at all.
They are singing for Jacob, you know? Not you. When was the last time anyone even remembered your birthday? And when was the last time someone actually cared? You see that girl over there? She will never put a bow in her stupid hair for you. She will never give you her heart, wrapped in by her mom.
And you know why?
Because you are just not that important.
The boy stands up and takes a step. He yells, to conceal his tears. All the kids are turning their head. All except for… her. But he will make her. He will make her see. “Hey, Jacob! Look at this!” The boy screams, not as manly as he would have liked. He then picks up a stone, placed in the garden like a gnome, with googly eyes and a smile drawn on it. “I got you a gift!” is his last words, before throwing his deadly weapon. It hits Jacob right in the eye, and he immediately starts crying like a baby for his mom. Right on the money! The kids gasp like they are a choir. Their expression is just the same; mouth left wide opened, for a fly to take shelter, and eyes exposing how empty the inside is. Must be nice for the fly, getting that free space and all. It is hilarious. The boy breaks out in laughter, and that is when the girl turns around.
“What is wrong with you?” the girl asks. There is no emotion in her voice. No judgement. No anger. Just a simple: What is wrong with you? And suddenly, the boy does not feel so joyful anymore. It stings his heart, but he does not understand why. He looks up to the sky for answers, but the sky is left grey. Colorless. A cloud, bearing a heavy burden, is blocking the suns sight of the pain that has been caused. The boy cannot be seen. The world shies away from monsters like him. And that is when, the boy no longer can hide his sadness with loud noises and stupid pranks.
“I don´t know…” he whispers and runs off.
“Hey, wait up!” the girl yells, like she actually cares.
But the boy does not wait. He does not want to. He can´t. He just runs and runs and runs, until he finds an enormous rock to hide behind. He sits down, with knees pulled up to his face, like a hard pillow to cry on. “Why am I like this?” he whispers, but he can´t give himself an answer.
“Why are you sitting here all by yourself?” a high-pitched voice ask. He looks up, to see the girl from before, sitting on top of the rock that once was the boy’s shield. She found him. No one has found his hiding spots before.
“Why do you think?” the boy mutters, hiding his face from her.
“Well, probably because you just sent Jacob to the hospital” the girl mocks, which catches him by surprise. The boy would never guess that she would have humor, let alone know how to tell a joke. But the boy can´t laugh. Not now. He is too upset. And she just doesn´t understand. She would never understand.
“That´s not it!” the boy tries to yell, but his voice gets all mushy and choked up.
“Then what is it?” she asks, curious, ignoring how pitiful he must seem. There is something about it, that feels kind. Something that makes the boy feel like he can tell her anything. Isn´t that funny? He has never even spoken to her.
“I am just… terrified of never being known, not being… seen. It feels like no one on this rocky earth gets me, and… agh forget it. It is stupid as heck.” Why does he even try? Nothing he says make sense, not even to himself.
It is quiet for a moment, and then the girl whispers: “I know what you mean.”
“You do?” the boy asks, shocked. He didn´t think anyone would ever relate to his senseless struggles. So, he finally looks up, because he must see the face of the person who shares his heart. A person who sees him, even if he never tried to ever see her.
“Hey, can I sit down?” the girl asks, and the boy nods, because he no longer knows how to give words of approval. But that’s alright. He does not need words.
And there they are, two young souls who got lost too soon. They sit in silence, watching the sky, and waiting for the sun to peek. Their face is an unfamiliar blank spot, even to each other, but sitting shoulder to shoulder, makes the world feel smaller. And one day, the boy will reach out for the girls’ hand in a crowded space, and she will turn around to reveal eyes only he can know. The only eyes he will ever know.
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